Entries Tagged 'Less Than Three' ↓

One thing I’ve come to learn these past two years is how many unexpected things can occur when you allow them to, and how disappointing the expected is if you cling to it out of a desire for safety and security.

A few years ago the idea of moving across the country with nothing but a suitcase would have seemed impossible. I couldn’t imagine how to proceed or how I would survive. Clinging to the expected and the risk-free were things I did to avoid introspection. I knew what I was capable of because it was all things I had done already. A lack of challenge leads to a lack of ability to see any distance ahead. It was only when I set my sights on moving to Seattle that I was able to once again begin challenging myself in unexpected ways.

My primary motivation was thus: anything but here. I had hit the bottom and anything at all in Seattle would be at least a half-step above where I was before. Being in a place where I essentially knew no one would give me a chance to redefine myself by the challenges I faced and overcame. I had done what I had never expected of myself, and was free to continue on that path, exploring what I had as of yet not acknowledged the existence of. Each day I find myself waking up happier to be alive than I ever had felt in Minnesota, and excited about what lays ahead for me here.

All has not been champagne and roses, though. There has been drama borne of miscommunication and my own occasional boneheadedness. There has been heartbreak. All in all, though, the calculated risks have been well worth the cuts and bruises I’ve endured so far. I’d make some sort of mountain-climbing analogy but it wouldn’t be adequate, as you can’t really stay on top of a mountain and so it is an empty accomplishment. I’d say my move to Seattle is more akin to having been lost in the desert and finding a beautiful and lush oasis. That is really what Seattle is — an oasis for those of us who are tired of who or what we were and wish to become what we had thought impossible.

Each day I silently thank those who have helped me along the way. You should know who you are if you’re reading this, and now it’s on paper sotospeak. Thank you for putting up with me as I improve upon my former self, little by little. Thank you for introducing me to worlds of experiences that I otherwise would have avoided like the plague. Thank you for pushing me to succeed, and to enjoy that success.

And to cap this post, a poem from Robert Frost, appropriately titled “Happiness Makes Up in Height for What It Lacks in Length”

Oh, stormy stormy world,
The days you were not swirled
Around with mist and cloud,
Or wrapped as in a shroud,
And the sun’s brilliant ball
Was not in part or all
Obscured from mortal view–
Were days so very few
I can but wonder whence
I get the lasting sense
Of so much warmth and light.
If my mistrust is right
It may be altogether
From one day’s perfect weather,
When starting clear at dawn,
The day swept clearly on
To finish clear at eve.
I verily believe
My fair impression may
Be all from that one day
No shadow crossed but ours
As through its blazing flowers
We went from house to wood
For change of solitude.

I have a new favorite film of SIFF.

XXY is a film about a fifteen year-old “girl” named Alex who is a hermaphrodite. Brought up by her family as a girl, she stops taking her testosterone inhibitors around the same time that her mother invites the family of a cosmetic surgeon to visit for several days. The mother, having always wanted multiple daughters, is blatantly (yet quietly) pushing for a snip-job. The father isn’t so sure, and knows only that he loves his child unconditionally.

I hope you aren’t expecting a paragraph about the film’s flaws, because they escaped me. The characters are complex and most display some form of emotional evolution — even minor characters like Alex’s best friend Vando learn from the events over the course of the film.

While “controversial” Hollywood garbage like Transamerica claim to ask the question “What is gender?” It fails miserably by examining only whether or not the gender-attribute of a person can be switched, not whether or not the gender-attribute is important at all. XXY asks these questions — not just “What is gender?” but “Why is gender?” Why is it so important? Alex is smart enough to answer this question, and even some which remain unasked.

I rate XXY 5 out of 5 shades of grey.

Jailbroken 1.1.3 firmware with 04.03.13_G baseband (working Google LocateMe) and phone service!

I am never touching this phone’s software again.

I got the .. ahem .. Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, The Motion Picture Soundtrack (gasp for breath) from Amazon (in DRM-free mp3 format) for the same price as iTunes’s DRM-crippled copy.

Furthermore, the Amazon copy was several dollars cheaper — yes, less expensive — than the CD version. Hopefully Amazon is wildly successful with their digital content distribution and sets an example to be followed by others. I don’t care about packaging any longer. I don’t have space for jewel cases or tray liners. I don’t want to throw away more boxes and wrappers. All I want is the music, fast, and inexpensive. Amazon mp3 delivers this.

My only complaint is that once you download something, I don’t believe there is a way to re-download it (which should be possible considering that you’ve already paid for it.) I don’t believe this is possible with iTunes either, which is equally as silly.

Edit:
Another good reason to go with Amazon over iTunes — DRM-free iTunes mp3s rat you out by having your name encoded within the mp3 file. Fuck that. On a side note, the following quote from the comments of the link just above is hilarious:

anthony.picciano said…
Just think of it like the free laser etching. Now you name can be etched onto each song as well as your iPod. For free!

Yesterday I met up with Graham for the first time — we planned to have some Thai food and see Sweeney Todd at Lincoln Square. But, what? I’ve already seen it! Yes yes, but I didn’t mind seeing it again (without chair-kicking fuckwits behind me) and Graham worked backstage of the show before and wanted to see the film version. Also, Johnny Depp.

We met at Bellevue Square, at a fountain outside of Macy’s. He came from the parking garage across the way and I from within the mall, so there was an awkward moment where I recognized him before he recognized me. I gave him a couple small gifts (a totally-gay deck of playing cards and some Japanese candy) for late-Christmas which broke the ice a bit before dinner.

Before we saw the movie, we walked a (round-and-)round-about route to a nice Thai restaurant in Bellevue named Chantanee. I had the “Princess Favorite Chicken” which was chicken in yellow curry with cashews, broccoli, and carrots. Tasty tasty! I’m not sure if Chantanee is better than Buddha Ruksa, but it easily beats the piss out of any Thai places near Southcenter, or what I remember of Sawatdee in Minneapolis. The staff was very friendly and we were out of there sooner than expected.

So, we arrived at the theatre about 45 minutes early and to kill time fed $4.50 of tokens into Jurassic Park III, a really bad light-gun game. We fought a Spinosaurus and the fucker went down three times before he finally died and our in-game avatars tried to hide their man-love feelings from each other as the credits ran. Graham had triple my score at one point, but if anyone asks, I let him win to be polite.

After the movie I waited for the 55x back to Seattle and as I boarded a bus the driver shooed me away from the fare box and instead asked me to sit up front and talk to him. That was a bit.. odd.. but I obliged. I guess he thought he was doing me a favor saving me $2.50, but I already paid up-front for my bus pass, so /shrug. He seemed a nice-enough old guy, though clearly a bit sad and lonely. We discussed my move to Seattle from Minneapolis, differences between the two cities and Bellevue, and the impending light rail system before he dropped me off and I walked home.

All in all it was an enjoyable evening. Graham is a very nice fellow. Bellevue is also surprisingly lovely — everyone I encountered was polite and friendly. Even the people with little kids went out of their way to be courteous.

Well, on Thursday I flew out to MN for Christmas, and am there currently. The flight went well — my first first-class flight, ever — and aside from a little ear-pain was fairly uneventful. After the flight, however, I stood in line behind six old people at the baggage claim as they flipped, patted, rubbed, or otherwise abused EVERY fucking suitcase that came on the carousel, trying to determine if it was theirs or not. Being too polite, I stood there and waited for 10 minutes for them to finally prod the correct suitcases and get out of my way. This led me to be nearly-late for my bus from the burbs to downtown Minneapolis to meet Andrew. I left my luggage with my dad, grabbed Andrew’s present, and made it just in time to meet him at Pizza Lucé downtown.

I was a little worried that Andrew and I would have nothing to talk about, as though we speak nearly every day on AIM, we haven’t seen each other irl for several years. It was surprising how much we had to talk about, and it was tough to cut the conversation short at 2 hours so I could make the bus back to the burbs. It was delightful, and hopefully it doesn’t take another 3-5 years to see him again.

Saturday, I met up with Ryan and Marty downtown for brunch and some last-minute Christmas shopping. I had a lovely time hanging out with them. It was great seeing them again, and perhaps next time it will be in S-town.