merry holiday(s)

Today I went out to see Sweeney Todd at the local suburban Minnesota theater — a Carmike Cinemas theater. The showing was at 4:05pm, so I arrived at 4:00 on the dot, moments before they began seating. I chose a seat, sat down, and waited. The fat cunts behind me talked obnoxiously-loudly about a friend of theirs getting suspended from school. They appeared to be at the movie with their illegitimate father, or perhaps the high school janitor that they exchange favors with for tickets to an R-rated movie on Christmas eve.

Anyhow, one of the trailers caught my attention. A band named “Three Doors Down” apparently shot a music video for a song of theirs, “Citizen Soldier” for the National Guard. It was three minutes of doom-and-gloom, with hilarious comparisons of National Guardsmen in Iraq with Minutemen fighting the British during the American Revolution. I am sorry, but being led into war with our President’s father’s old buddy is not the same as earning our nation’s independence from the British. How fucking tasteless and, frankly, pathetic. Is scouring high schools around the US for drop-outs no longer sufficient?

Thankfully, there was justice-poetic, as one of the next trailers was one for Stop Loss. I imagine that the rest of the theater, including the twitching jackasses behind me, didn’t appreciate the irony. Their loss.

So, 31 minutes later, at 4:36, the movie FINALLY started. I had lost count of how many trailers I’d seen — only the one for Stop Loss looked any good. Over all, it is a pretty gruesome flick. There is a lot of throat slitting, and it’s all very.. gushy. I’ve seen reviewers recommend that those who enjoy the SAW movies go see Sweeney Todd, but I disagree. I don’t think that they would be able to sit through the introductory song, much less all the ones that follow, and the plot would escape the average SAW-enthusiast. If you don’t mind a musical, like Johnny Depp, enjoy a good revenge movie and can stomach a bit of gore, I highly recommend that you go see it. I give Sweeney Todd 4.5 out of 5 buckets of mystery-meat.